Ted Lasso
Wednesdays on Apple TV+Ted Lasso Season 3 Episode 2: "Chelsea" Quotes
Keeley: Barbara, I would love for you to meet Shandy. She's the newest member of KJPR.
Barbara: Oh. Um, what position has she been hired for?
Keeley: She will be consulting for affiliate management and... client relationships. Yeah.
Barbara: Okay. Would you have a-a seat, uh, Shandy? Shandy, is it?
Shandy: Yeah.
Barbara: Yeah, just put it in there. Put the sweet in there. I'd love to know what experience you have in these areas.
Shandy: Uh, in relationships, tons. The rest of it, not much.
Barbara: And where did you go to university?
Shandy: I didn't go university.
Barbara: Didn't go?
Shandy: No.
Barbara: Okay. And what were you doing right before this?
Shandy: I was modeling.
Barbara: Yeah. Okay, thanks, Shandy. All right. I think I've got it. So you've hired a former model with no previous experience, no higher education for a job that doesn't exist. Lovely. Well, welcome to the team, Shandy.
You are such a fսcking chickenshit. I mean, if you were great, truly great, you could play anywhere. But instead, you choose a club like West Ham, because it's big and shiny, and you know that they'll win whether you're there or not. And you'll never have to wonder if you're still as good as you tell everyone you are. But you and I know that you're not. You're overrated. You're overpaid. And you eat too much fսcking asparagus.
Rebecca
Rebecca: You know, Rupert, I was a little bit surprised when you bought West Ham. I always thought that Richmond was your one true love.
Rupert: Oh. Guess I'm just like any man. Just get bored with the same old, same old.
Roy: Who told you that?
Jamie: No one. I use body science. Why? Is it true?
Roy: Hmm. What's that fսcking face?
Jamie: It's called empathy, you dusty, old fart. Look, as someone who's been dumped by Keeley, I get it.
Roy: She didn't dump me.
Jamie: You dumped her? Why?
Roy: I don't want to talk about it. Why'd you come in here? Oh, let me guess. You want to know if it's okay to ask her out, right?
Jamie: No, I was just, I was just seeing if you were okay, man.
Isaac: Whoa. Keeley and Roy have broken up.
Jamie: What? Who told you that?
Isaac: It's not "who," bruv. It's "what." Kinesics. Study of body language. Just look at 'em. No eye contact, Keeley's crossed arms. Roy's clenched arse. It's science.
