New Girl
Tuesdays 8:30 PM on FOXPopular New Girl Quotes
Schmidt: What about the turtle?
Nick: You're the turtle in my life.
Nick: Hey, do you think Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess — even though I had that name picked out before she moved in?
Schmidt: A turtle?
Nick: Thinkin' man's best friend, Schmidt-y.
Schmidt: In our home? Over my turtle disease-ridden dead body.
Nick: What was that? Did you just grunt at me?
Schmidt: It wasn't a grunt, it was a hrmph.
Nick: A hrmph sounds like this - huh-rumph.
Schmidt: Sorry you took it the wrong way, it was not a grunt.
Nick: Serena Williams, that was a grunt.
Schmidt: I don't know what is allowed in the cold-hearted Republic of Nick Miller, but I do know how I feel. And I know how much you love cookies. And I saw it there behind the glass and thought, "Nick Miller. I'm gonna buy that, man."
Nick: If I could give you that cookie back, I would. Nothing would make me happier than to throw it up, mash it into cookie shape, and shove it down your throat.
Schmidt: You want to mama-bird me the cookie?
Nick: That's not what I-
Schmidt: You want to mama-bird me the cookie. You're not mama-birdin' anybody anything!
Winston: Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed — lining your shoes up at the door.
Nick: Don't line my shoes up at the door.
Winston: Recording your favorite shows. The turn-down service.
Nick: The turn-down service is weird, and I never asked you to do that.
Schmidt: Well I guess those chocolate mints just disappeared on their own.
What's going on? Did you guys watch porn together again? Why do you keep doing that? It's always awkward!
Jess
Nick: In March, I will have been living with Schmidt for 10 years. I know that because he sent me an e-mail asking how I want to celebrate our tin anniversary.
Jess: How did you become friends? Was it an accident? Did you hit him with your car and you became his reluctant caretaker?
Jess: When I hear all the stuff about Cece's profession, like the dieting, it's crazy. And the butt-drinking...
Nick: Did you just say "butt-drinking?" You can't say "butt-drinking" and not explain what it is. That's two of my four favorite things.
College Nick: You like rap music? Who's your favorite rapper.
College Schmidt: Brian Austin Green.
Without sex, she's not your girlfriend. She's a friend you buy meals for.
Schmidt
Cece: I know you have more costumes in your closet.
Schmidt: Those costumes are for Purim.
I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.
Nick
